Letting go.

Letting go.  This is hard to do.  Especially when you are not ready to give something up that you love so much.  Nursing was this way for me.  We had this special time together, every day, multiple times a day for the first 6 months of Kellan’s life.  I cherished it, loved it, did not think that I would ever have to give up this time together.  Sadly, he grew uninterested, started pulling his head away, and using his gums as teeth to play the game “Let’s see what Mommy will do when I bite??”  I continued to nurse him, but would get tense near the end of his feeding, because this was when he would play around.  I started realizing that I did in fact need to start weaning my baby.  In October I started reducing our nursing times together, one feeding at a time, one week at a time.  I did not want to quit cold turkey, as I have heard and read horror stories of becoming engorged and it being quite painful.  Like screaming painful.  So, we slowly weaned, each week went by, one less nursing time together, and I grew sad.

I couldn’t believe we were starting to end our nursing-journey together.  When Kellan turned 9 months old, I tried nursing him one more time, my final time, and he pulled away.  It was sad.  Sad for me as a Mommy who wanted to continue nursing him for at least a year.  Sad for me because this meant he was slowly growing up and didn’t need that part of me anymore.  As a tear fell from my cheek onto his, he looked up at me, like “It’s okay Mommy, I still love you”.  *tear*tear*tear* 

Although I have stopped breastfeeding my sweet little boy, he is continuing to thrive and grow.  I just didn’t want to let go.  That special bond that you have with your baby from the day he/she is born will stick with you forever, the memory of looking down at your wee one and them looking up at you with those deep blue eyes, the touch of their hand on your chest, the sweet wrinkles on their foreheads while nursing.  I loved every moment of it.

I know with our next baby, I will have this same experience and bond… but when will that be?  Hopefully later this year… cross your fingers!

{we went for a walk…}


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